. . . And what's changed . . . (and what hasn't). . .
A recent reminder of my tendencies went something like this:
We had just finished dinner. About 20-30 minutes later the conversation flowed:
Me: "Hey, want a piece of that brownie brittle?"
Me: "Hey, want a piece of that brownie brittle?"
(I can't help it, I admit there was more than a touch of excitement/persuasion in my tone).
To which my husband replied:
"No. I don't think so."
Me: "Really? Okay"
Hubby: "Oh, you can still have some. Don't let me stop you."
Me: "Oh, I don't want to eat it alone "
(meaning "in front of you")
(meaning "in front of you")
Hubby: "Or you can just wait until I go to bed."
(Does he know me, or what?!)
---Followed by both of us laughing--
---Followed by both of us laughing--
Okay. This is the man who, when we married and I moved in that August, still had Halloween candy from the YEAR BEFORE! How does THAT happen??? That never happened in my previous life. I tried more than once to buy my "least favorite" candy to pass out at Halloween so I wouldn't be tempted by any left-overs. But it didn't matter. Because there was never candy in my house any other time, anything left over from Halloween disappeared pretty quickly. I also learned not to buy candy too far in advance of the holiday because eventually I wouldn't have enough to hand out and would have to get more.
 |
| Really? Who can keep candy around that long? |
So the candy in this new married house slowly disappeared too (again it didn't matter what kind it was). As much as I tried to blame it on a mouse, or a candy fairy, or a Halloween ghost--it was ALL ME!
Busted!
And so I am reminded of closet eating tendencies. Anyone else?
I remember when the *shameful routine began.
*More about "shameful" later
So if I retrace my steps back a few decades-- yes I was a closet eater many years ago and have continued for-the-most-part to have some type of closet eating behavior.
The appearance of fast food restaurants had a lot to do with the beginning. Conveniently it was not long after I started driving that fast food establishments began popping up in my town. I didn't really have anything to hide back then, but by the time I did, I had moved away from home and drive-thru fast food (which we didn't have where I grew up) added to the issue.
I believe the eating-without-being-seen began as an emotional struggle. In an earlier post I mentioned the car accident that changed the path from my impending career in dance. What I didn't discuss in depth was the emotion involved in the physical healing and the derailing of my future plans.
So what do many of us do when the emotional waters are churning? We eat. Some may turn to other self-destructive behaviors such as alcohol and drugs. For some of us the drug of choice is food. Again it's very difficult to avoid food because we do need it for fuel.
FOOD IS FUEL
In a vicious cycle I ate because I was depressed and uncertain; gained weight, was depressed from gaining weight and ate more, supported by drive-thru restaurants once I was able to drive again.
FOOD CAN BE COMFORTING
That was the beginning and the worst part of my closet eating, from late nights to drive-thrus.
I'm sure this is a big part of the reason many people today struggle with being overweight and even obese. Their car is their sanctuary, their "closet", their safe place to hide and eat. Add to this the fact you never have to get out of your car to get food. You don't even have to take a step out of your car for a cup of coffee, which is often loaded with tons of fat and sugar.
FOOD CAN BE HEALTHY (OR NOT)
When my life got back on track and I was able to go back to school and work, with a new focus I became successful at ditching those old self-sabotage habits (for a while).
When motherhood happened the focus of food was nutrition and building healthy habits for my family.
Then along came the social aspect again. Getting together with friends and their kids often centered around food. We would share food we were proud to make. At kids' parties we would definitely eat. When we got together for girl time or other social occasions i.e. events associated with my husband's work, there was always an abundance of food. It seems we were always eating desserts or fattening appetizers.
My weight wasn't horrible then, but always a little bit more than I wanted it to be. Thinking how in vogue it was to be thin, and not wanting to give-in "or let myself go", I wanted to be attractive and not be seen as a frumpy mom.
It seems it was also very socially acceptable at my age, maybe even expected, to be on some sort of diet. Well, there I was back in the closet. I would pass up all the tasty treats at a social gathering then make up for it, or overdo it with what I put in my mouth at home--when no one was watching!
Yes, we can feel very shameful eating in private, that's a time that is extremely easy to overeat or eat exactly what we know is not healthy.
If I were only drinking when nobody was looking I would consider that a problem. So I believe eating when no one is a witness is also an indication something is off.
I can't remember what it was that finally clicked for me. But I thought about the *80-20 rule (*more about this in another post). I flipped things around and instead of denying myself in public I ate well and focused on healthy eating at home and allowed myself to enjoy the occasional treat when with friends. This is a much better-- and I can say much more fun-- way to approach healthy eating.
So ---What has changed?
I don't eat in my car anymore unless I'm on a road trip, and I take healthy snacks like fruit and nuts.
I very rarely go to fast food or drive-thru restaurants. It helps that my children are adults and are no longer living at home. I'm not constantly shuffling to and from school and sports practices and games. It also helps that my husband doesn't like fast food.
I eat more carefully but don't deny myself things that I enjoy. I just don't have sweets all the time.
I focus on my health more than the size or the scale.
If you find yourself with these closet-eating tendencies here are a few tips that might be helpful:
1. Make a rule not to eat in your car. Stick to it.
2. Just because it ends up in your house, or is left over, it is not your job to eat it. It IS okay to throw it away.
Get it out of the house-- give it to a neighbor or take it to work.
3. Don't skip meals. Most importantly plan snacks so you don't end up eating on impulse, reaching for the wrong because it is quick, or when you are ravenous and out of control.
4. Better yet---If you love to bake:
Bake to your heart's content, then turn it into an act of kindness/appreciation and give, give, give...
A few examples:
💜 A nurse or nursing staff, physical therapist crew, etc. who cared for you or a loved one
💜 The mail-carrier you see working hard every day
💜 The mechanic who worked miracles on your car
💜 A special teacher
💜 Anyone who is always working hard"behind the scenes"
💜 A local shelter or charity that is always giving to others
💜 An animal shelter (speaking a "thank you" from the animals)
💜 A convalescent home, an elderly neighbor, or any place you think can use cheering up
I hope I got your wheels turning--think of those who serve us...
I'd love to hear your ideas!
Well....I realize from the other night I still enjoy company when I'm munching on some goodies. What can I say? I was taught to share--Or am I still too self-conscious to eat treats with someone watching?...
#giving#showappreciation#changehabits#behappy
I believe the eating-without-being-seen began as an emotional struggle. In an earlier post I mentioned the car accident that changed the path from my impending career in dance. What I didn't discuss in depth was the emotion involved in the physical healing and the derailing of my future plans.
So what do many of us do when the emotional waters are churning? We eat. Some may turn to other self-destructive behaviors such as alcohol and drugs. For some of us the drug of choice is food. Again it's very difficult to avoid food because we do need it for fuel.
FOOD IS FUEL
FOOD CAN BE COMFORTING
I had moved back home with my mother while I recuperated. As I gained weight my brother made snide remarks. I guess that's what brothers do. My mother worried. I know that's what mothers do. I would stay up late and secretly eat after they had both gone to bed. It's amazing when I think now about all the creative (by that I also mean disgusting) concoctions I came up with out of nothing; to feed my sweet tooth or carb craving when no one was looking.
That was the beginning and the worst part of my closet eating, from late nights to drive-thrus.
I'm sure this is a big part of the reason many people today struggle with being overweight and even obese. Their car is their sanctuary, their "closet", their safe place to hide and eat. Add to this the fact you never have to get out of your car to get food. You don't even have to take a step out of your car for a cup of coffee, which is often loaded with tons of fat and sugar.
When my life got back on track and I was able to go back to school and work, with a new focus I became successful at ditching those old self-sabotage habits (for a while).
When motherhood happened the focus of food was nutrition and building healthy habits for my family.
My weight wasn't horrible then, but always a little bit more than I wanted it to be. Thinking how in vogue it was to be thin, and not wanting to give-in "or let myself go", I wanted to be attractive and not be seen as a frumpy mom.
It seems it was also very socially acceptable at my age, maybe even expected, to be on some sort of diet. Well, there I was back in the closet. I would pass up all the tasty treats at a social gathering then make up for it, or overdo it with what I put in my mouth at home--when no one was watching!
Have you ever done this?
I can't remember what it was that finally clicked for me. But I thought about the *80-20 rule (*more about this in another post). I flipped things around and instead of denying myself in public I ate well and focused on healthy eating at home and allowed myself to enjoy the occasional treat when with friends. This is a much better-- and I can say much more fun-- way to approach healthy eating.
EATING IS ESSENTIAL
EATING IS OFTEN SOCIAL
EATING IS SOMETIMES UNNECESSARY
EATING CAN BE AT TIMES, OUT OF CONTROL OR SHAMEFUL
So ---What has changed?
I don't eat in my car anymore unless I'm on a road trip, and I take healthy snacks like fruit and nuts.
I very rarely go to fast food or drive-thru restaurants. It helps that my children are adults and are no longer living at home. I'm not constantly shuffling to and from school and sports practices and games. It also helps that my husband doesn't like fast food.
I eat more carefully but don't deny myself things that I enjoy. I just don't have sweets all the time.
I focus on my health more than the size or the scale.
If you find yourself with these closet-eating tendencies here are a few tips that might be helpful:
1. Make a rule not to eat in your car. Stick to it.
2. Just because it ends up in your house, or is left over, it is not your job to eat it. It IS okay to throw it away.
Get it out of the house-- give it to a neighbor or take it to work.
3. Don't skip meals. Most importantly plan snacks so you don't end up eating on impulse, reaching for the wrong because it is quick, or when you are ravenous and out of control.
4. Better yet---If you love to bake:
Bake to your heart's content, then turn it into an act of kindness/appreciation and give, give, give...
A few examples:
💜 A nurse or nursing staff, physical therapist crew, etc. who cared for you or a loved one
💜 The mail-carrier you see working hard every day
💜 The mechanic who worked miracles on your car
💜 A special teacher
💜 Anyone who is always working hard"behind the scenes"
💜 A local shelter or charity that is always giving to others
💜 An animal shelter (speaking a "thank you" from the animals)
💜 A convalescent home, an elderly neighbor, or any place you think can use cheering up
💜 Your local Fire or Police Station
(How about a special friend?)
(How about a special friend?)
I hope I got your wheels turning--think of those who serve us...
What hasn't changed...
It is about choosing to be
Healthy and Happy!
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