Share a Smile!

 

Something remarkable astounding happened the other day. It provoked some memories and caused many thoughts to dance around in my head.

I’ve had many visits to the podiatrist and this was just another appointment to treat my condition. It’s a relatively small waiting room. I always check-in and have a seat. On this particular day the waiting room was empty when I checked in. Behind the desk was a woman I have seen many times before, and one that I saw for the first time the last time I was there.

As I usually do, I walked up and greeted the receptionists with a smile, and gave them my name.

Here’s the shocking part—-The woman on the left immediately said, “You are beautiful!”

My (totally shocked) response was, “What?!?” I thought I heard what she said, but did she really say it?

She said, “You are a beautiful person”. 

I was shaken and my eyes immediately filled with tears, a few may have even escaped. I explained how surprised I was and how terribly sweet that was for her to say. She continued, “I told that to her (she pointed to her coworker) last time you were here, when you left”. Her coworker nodded and smiled in agreement.

There was still nobody else in the waiting room so the three of us had a conversation.

It began, (me apologizing for my reaction), “I’m sorry, I was shocked, no one’s ever said that to me before”.

“Really? You are a beautiful person, and you always say hello with such a beautiful smile on your face”.

"The world looks brighter from behind a smile"
--Unknown

That is not the first time I've had a comment about my smile.

Me—“Again, that’s very nice of you to say. But why not smile?” (I really don’t think about it )      

“Well, we see a lot of people every day. Most don’t smile. Some come in here kind of grumpy.”

(For me—all the more reason to smile, if it brightens someone’s day.)

Me—“Hmmm… we never know what others may be facing in their personal lives." 

Then I think to myself some people might take things for granted and expect everything to be easy. You have a choice to dwell on it when something goes wrong or choose not to. 

I think then I said, “Maybe the people that seem the happiest are those that have overcome struggles or dealt with major heartbreaks.”

At this time I think about two very major occurrences in my own life: losing my dad at 14 before I started high school, losing my husband over 10 years ago.

With still no one in the waiting room our discussion continued, not about me. I got to ask them both about their backgrounds, and their family. I got to know them.

We had a very pleasant exchange that had all begun with that shocking compliment.

I continued to think about this experience for quite some time, for many reasons. One reason is all the memories that flooded back from my past: 

I remembered an old boyfriend serenading me with "You are so beautiful". But that was to him. I had never heard it from a stranger before, why would I?

Then a long time memory—-I grew up with the story my dad had told me about when I was born. I have shared this story with only a very few people but as I tell it, it’s easy to understand the effect it had on me... 

My dad told me that when he and my mother met in college her best friend, Nancy, was the homeliest women he had ever met. So, he said, when I was born premature I was so ugly that is why they named me Nancy. Well, as children we tend to believe everything our parents tell us (Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, why wouldn’t we?). I carried that story with me. I was about 60 when I mentioned that story to my mother. She was so surprised that I had spent my whole life believing that story. There are parts that are true—yes, she had a college friend named Nancy—yes, I was a preemie. But my father had made up the part about Nancy being so homely. Looking back now, I'm not sure he realized I believed him.

Every little girl loves to be told they are pretty. I remember as a young girl, being proud of myself at times when dressed up for a special occasion i.e. wearing a new dress (my mother made) to church on Easter Sunday. I loved getting dressed up. He wasn't here to see me dress up for a prom. I'm sure many little girls hear something like, "Oh-- you look so pretty". I always heard, "Well, if you behave as nice as you look, everything will be okay".

I have given a lot of thought to how that story effected me over the years. I didn't consider myself ugly or hideous but I think my dad may have done me a favor in the long run. I tried to look presentable/acceptable. In my head I knew how I acted was more important than how I looked. I can't imagine how difficult it is for young girls now with all the pressure social media places on them. It may have been a completely different story for me if I had to deal with that as well.

I see now, times I could have considered as compliments; being nominated for homecoming in high school, modeling for a local department store, job offers, to name a few. To this day if someone I know (my husband, for example) lingers too long looking at me, I always ask, "What, is there something on my face?" or "Do I have something in my teeth?" or  "What did I do?"

With a significant (51st—50th postponed because of Covid) high school reunion right around the corner, more memories started surfacing. I think we all face our high school years with many different insecurities. Not having a father may have added to my self-doubts. Like everyone else, I believe, I wanted to be accepted. My goal was to be considered a friend by everyone. I was very social.

I discovered dancing. I loved performing.I also became a songleader and worked hard to perfect my routines and achieve high kicks. I thoroughly enjoyed being a songleader, cheering on our teams along with friends, okay not to mention--watching the boys play. 

I remember so well how seriously shocked I was when I was nominated for homecoming queen. At the time I didn’t think my nomination had anything to do with looks, but validation that I was liked because I was friendly. 

Seriously—the mind of a teenager—I remember the voting process in our home room class. It was a secret ballot but I did not vote for myself because I thought if someone found out they would think I was conceited (it seems that word was used a lot back then).

Over the years I have constantly received comments about my smile. So much so that I started to feel that I didn’t have any other significant features. Some people have beautiful eyes you notice right away, some have gorgeous hair. I guess I did have "killer" eyelashes; once was accused of wearing false eyelashes at a time when nobody else was wearing them (except models and movie stars). The only compliments have been about my smile, something I really don't think about (until times like this).

 Without any thought, I naturally give my smile very freely. I think that may be why I am constantly told I look familiar and (my husband says) I'm very approachable. Over time I have had numerous friends witness that I don’t go many places without someone approaching me with either, “Do I know you?”, “You remind so much of someone I know”, "You look just like..." , or “Do you have a sister?” If my smile makes them feel comfortable immediately I think that has to be a good thing. Actually, (except for those few times I'd rather NOT be approachable) that makes me happy.

Okay. So why did I decide to share all of these thoughts? 

One reason is to demonstrate how one simple compliment can change an attitude and possibly start a chain reaction.

Yes, that compliment made me think a lot about my past. But it also reinforced for me the idea that it’s so easy to make someone’s day with a random positive comment or compliment. I like to give genuine compliments to strangers. I think it also makes my day when I see their reaction. It’s the old “What goes around comes around”.

It also serves as a reminder that beauty is not in physical features but in the way you treat people or make others feel, whether they are strangers or friends and family.

I have always found that the best way to be happy is to make someone else's day. It can start with the simplest gesture-- a smile...

So I'd like to leave you with a few quotes about smiles to inspire you to share yours:

"If you're not using your smile, you're like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook"--Les Giblin

"A simple smile. That's the start of opening your heart and being compassionate to others"--Dalai Lama

"It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime"--Steve Maraboli

       Spread kindness. Share happiness. 

                Stay healthy and happy!

                                                   And SMILE!

 

(a related post---A Kind Reflection) 

A Gratitude Journey

Practicing Gratitude is easy and makes such a difference.

This photo was taken on a hike in Yosemite, Sept. 2018.
This was one beautiful spot (not to be taken for granted)
 that survived the massive fires in the valley that Summer.

(Warning)--This is a very personal account. It demonstrates the difference gratitude has made in my life and my hope in sharing is that it encourages you to find gratitude in your daily life.

There was a time that I was a teenager and pretty proud of it at 14. I was very typical; interested in boys, social activities, starting to experiment with my own style-- makeup and trends, concerned with appearances and wanting to be accepted. The teen years tend to be a self-centered time.

One night my father was telling me how all his hard work was to provide for the family, including me. I needed to appreciate what I had. I don't remember the exact words from so long ago, but I remember the feeling that he was telling me I was not grateful.

He died early the next morning. That was the last conversation we had. Although I don't remember the words, of course as I grew up, that night has never left my mind. It has now been well past 50 years. I won't forget.

Years later I was married and home and with two very young children. My husband, as a firefighter, was gone for work 24 hours at a time. Other times he was gone for pleasure when he felt like it. Without going into detail, there was a conversation when I was called "ungrateful". Oh I didn't know how much those words could sting! It took me back decades in my mind and I realized that is the worst thing I can be called. I did a lot of deep thinking, soul searching, and made some decisions. I reminded myself not to take things for granted. 

Again, years later there was a time; I was driving to the hospital in another city. This was so long ago as I write this, and so much has happened since, that my memory is fuzzy...

My husband was undergoing a heart procedure that was supposed to be urgent but it had been close to a month before it was scheduled. I still don't remember why he had been scheduled in Torrance instead of where we lived, his Cardiologist was, and where he had been designated a patient of a cardiac research program at Long Beach Memorial Hospital in Long Beach (where he had been treated many times). 

I remember driving to Torrance alone and nervous (besides worrying about him, I've always been directionally challenged). I became very frustrated as my car started making funny noises I was unsure about. For a moment I was angry at the world for what I felt was happening to me. I do remember taking a breath and telling myself to be grateful. I needed to be grateful that he was still alive and that I had a car to drive myself there.

Within a year after that procedure, and after other procedures that followed, my husband left me a widow.

As I was struggling to put the pieces of my life back together I realized I still had so much to be grateful for.

This is a time that GRATITUDE became most important to me. I know that being grateful for what I had was the biggest difference in my daily survival. I thought about how much worse things could have been. I was grateful that he was doing something he loved when he suffered his stroke (he was on the golf course). I was grateful that he did not linger in pain or suffer with incapacity. I was grateful that he was with friends who were also firefighter/paramedics who saw signs of a stroke and knew what to do. I was grateful that he was not driving our motorhome and caused injuries to others. I was grateful that he was not in Mexico (where he also loved to spend time) where he might not have been able to get medical attention or even get home.

                              

As difficult as it was to continue with my life as a widow I knew I had to be grateful that I had friends who knew him and loved him, and supported me. I had to be grateful that I still had my HEALTH.

I am constantly reminded of what a difference gratitude can make. I make it a part of my life every day.

Don't search for joy and then become grateful. Practice gratitude and you will become joyful.

                        (I am grateful that I can share this with you)

                                        #happiness#gratitude

Whats In Your Cup?

Disclosure:
I did not write the following paragraph, though I wish I had. It expresses, so clearly, thoughts that I have had for a long time. I would love to credit the author but have no idea who it is. This is just one of those wonderful things I came across randomly on the internet. Through all the mess of negative posts we see constantly, this positive message stands out as one I deem worth sharing, and would love for it to be shared (and practiced) repeatedly.

So what's in your cup?

If it's negativity, greed, bitterness, jealousy, animosity, rudeness...pour it down the drain and refill your cup with kindness, goodness and love.

Often we may look in our cup and it appears empty. We don't do anything to keep it full. We spend our time and effort working, striving to pay the bills and get ahead. Women are also especially guilty of putting everyone else first; in many cases about the time our kids are grown we find ourselves caring for an ill spouse or aging parents. We can't expect others to fill our cup for us. We need to find a way to keep our cup filled up with the right mixture that will nourish us and when it spills, uplift others.

How do you fill your cup with joy, gratitude, peace,  humility, kindness, gentleness and love?

-------------------Practice, Practice, Practice!------------------

Here's an example: to fill it with Kindness, practice kindness. It does not take a grand gesture. Just sit for a moment and think of something small you can do in your everyday life that would make someone smile, or make their day better in some way, then do it. 

If you want more Love in your cup, start by spending time with those you love and make sure they know how dear they are to you. Find a way on a regular basis to show them or tell them you love them. If you want more Goodness in your cup, practice goodness. Do what is right even when it is not the easiest. Treat everyone around you with dignity and respect. Be an example of what you want to see in the world. When you find some Joy in your cup, share it--the next time you take a sip there will be more there. And remember, practicing Gratitude will make your cup seem like it is always full to the point of overflowing.

I think it would be wonderful if there was a campaign where, like the Capital One slogan Jennifer Garner is known for ("What's in your wallet?"), we could talk to our friends and loved ones and ask, "What's in your cup?"
Isn't that more important anyway?

And whether your cup is half-full or half-empty,

 it is always refillable.

 #kindness everyday#share joy#gratitude#promote goodness

"Everybody's Got Something" -- Part I

Full Health Disclosure

Since the topic of this blog is Health and Happiness, and my mission is to inspire you to make choices that improve or maintain your health (and create happiness), it's time for me to come clean.

By that I mean, I have finally after much denial, come to the conclusion that rarely (if ever) can someone make it to their sixties without some ailment or disfunction in at least one joint or body part. I hate to admit that includes me. Remember, I said after much denial.

The Best New Year's Resolution I Ever Made... (Can You Guess What it Was?)

   

 So it happens every year about this time. Much thought can be given to it for weeks, or even months, but it all comes down to that magical date on the calendar. It's a time when so many of us commit or resolve to make some kind of change for the better. It is seen as a new beginning, a renewal of commitment. But doesn't that one day carry too much weight? Doesn't that allow you to feel like the rest of the year doesn't quite matter?

     With so much riding on the particular date does that set you up for failure or disappointment? Why would this absolute date mean you can be more successful than any other time? What happens then, if you don't follow through? Do you have to wait another year to commit (like all good diets start on a Monday)? How do you feel? Do you beat yourself up, feel worse than you did before because you did not have the power to change the very habit that you felt strongly committed to change? You declared it a resolution, after all. Or do you just throw your hands up in the air and decide it's no big deal, just your usual M.O. --though you really are frustrated or disappointed with yourself?

It's All About Perspective

Lately I have had time away from this blog. I've been overwhelmed with the process of moving but continue to think about things I'd like to share. I've had some asking me if I am going to continue by blog. I absolutely will when I am settled and have more time. For now this has been on my mind for quite some time so I thought I would at least post this picture. I will add to it when I get back to a place where I can focus on one thing at a time. I have much more to say. Just remember it's all a matter of perspective. Make the most of your situation. Your choice.

Make it "A Heck of a Day"

Those who know me well know that I shed tears easily. There are times when my family watches me and just waits for the moment they know is coming; either during a movie, reading a card, witnessing someone else's happiness, or expressing my own sentiments. Okay, yes, I've been known to cry at dog food commercials or when someone wins something on the radio. At times it can be embarrassing. 

On the other hand I love to laugh and get others laughing as well. I am known for doing this sometimes at my own expense. Nothing feels better than sharing a laugh.

I have learned...

If something moves you to tears it is a good thing. It is good to feel, whether it brings back a memory or makes you sympathetic. To be touched, and be in touch with your emotions, is a benefit of being human, and moves your soul.

I believe...

Too often people tend to get caught up on negative thoughts. They forget how good it can feel to laugh. They don't take the time in their day to think about the things that are most important to themselves. They are too preoccupied or bombarded (especially with social media) with thoughts that belong to everyone else, and don't make the time or the space for their own thoughts. 

Remember, what you do every day matters more than what you do once-in-a-while, 

so how do you make it a "Heck of a Day"? 

I have many ideas. I am sharing here a speech that I hope you will never forget. 

The following video of an acceptance speech by "Jimmy V", Jimmy Valvano, is extremely touching. It has made an impact on me from the first time I saw it and almost emptied a whole box of tissues. I have watched it many times and still can't watch it without being driven to tears.

 I do these three things every day, but now I do them with awareness and purpose. I hope this clip has the same effect on you that it did on me, and that you remember the three things that are important to do every day. And then you do them.

What an incredible speech and tremendous man. How wonderful to have so much to give, and so much to live for, when time is short. 

Sadly, Jimmy Valvano barely lived a month after he presented this speech. 

The interview below provides more insight into his character and the strength and determination it took to make that passionate and inspirational speech.

Be Inspired.

Take care of your Health,

Be happy,

AND

Have a Heck of a Day!

(every day)

Cancer does not discriminate. Every one of us is touched almost daily with news of someone we know and love either struggling with or being taken by this horrible disease. Jimmy's words have left an impact for a lifetime and his soul lives through this wonderful foundation.

For information on the Jimmy V Foundation

 please click on the following link: 

JimmyV.org