Learning Life's Lessons---
I so fondly remember my grandmother's words, "You have to live once to know how to live". As time goes on I appreciate how wise those words were. My own words added are, "Learning is a lifelong process, Living is a learning process". Putting all philosophical quotes aside, we definitely do learn as we go. The real learning begins when we have challenges to meet. Our true character is put to the test and we discover what it takes to move forward. What do we learn when life is easy?
Yes, in our day-to-day life we all experience ups and downs. It can often seem like we are riding a roller coaster through life. Some of us are actually anxious when things are going smoothly, waiting for the other shoe to drop and expecting something horrible to happen around the corner.
Others may expect life to always be a breeze. There's nothing wrong with that. But when life hands them lemons they don't really know how to make lemonade--their whole world falls apart. They begin to have a "Why me?" attitude.
Its interesting how differently people can perceive things. I remember the days when I was a fitness instructor and members taking my classes where shocked to learn that yes, there had been a period that I was overweight. I remember too, years later, a teaching colleague who implied that I must have had an easy life because I was always happy and smiling.
My story is not different from many others. I have had my share of life's challenges and have found that the tough times provide many valuable lessons, and I have learned to really appreciate the rest.
Every struggle provides a valuable lesson
I grew up in a middle class family in the good old days. Picture a time before computers, internet, and cell phones. We could only get one channel on our T.V. It was a time when even married couples on sitcoms were never shown in the same bed (how very innocent). Popular shows I watched regularly were Ozzie and Harriet, Father Knows Best, and Leave it to Beaver. I loved all those shows centered around a family unit.
Life was good.
In a literal heartbeat that all changed when my father had a fatal heart attack. He had just turned 43. The family unit as I knew it (and as seen on T.V.) was no longer. I was barely 14, just beginning my teenage years now without a father, no male head-of-household. I learned later how this affected my self-image and development. I'm sure my teenage years were hard on my mother.
Although she has tried to assure me it wasn't that bad (and I turned out okay), I have apologized to her many times.
Although she has tried to assure me it wasn't that bad (and I turned out okay), I have apologized to her many times.
I learned a valuable lesson very early from that experience. It is a lesson that has really stuck with me. I was the only one I knew at the time who had lost their father but it caused me to think:
It provided a great lesson of EMPATHY. You never really know how someone feels unless you have had the same experience. Even then, due to past history, experiences can be perceived differently.
Everyone is facing a challenge at different times
The years that followed were also not different from many, striking out on my own--trying to figure out what I was supposed to do with my life, what my career path should be. Many choices I made in my personal life and career choices may have been very different if my father had been there.
I was a natural born teacher but my heart's desire was always to dance. I loved performing. I finally chose the path that would answer my passion. Beginning in dance later than most, with very little formal training, I auditioned and was accepted to the dance department at UCI. Finally, I loved it, and planned on teaching too.
Life was good.
Well, what do you know? A car accident resulting in a badly broken ankle changed that path. Was there a lesson in this (beyond the patience and pain it takes to heal)?
YES! Plans don't always work. It's important to be flexible. Always having a "plan B" or a willingness to change plans and move forward is a valuable strategy (this lesson becomes even more valuable over time). Life is what happens when you make other plans.
Of course it took time to physically heal from that accident. Moving forward, a career in dance was no longer an option but teaching was still a possibility. I eventually enrolled as a Physical Education major at CSULB. Boy, talk about a fish out of water; Now I was surrounded by athletes (I never was competitive or participated in any team sports, choices were minimal for girls in those days). Thank goodness it was the 70s and the fitness industry was taking off. I did have the challenge of some unchartered territory. I found myself taking subjects that were very foreign to me. Having met all my general education courses I was able to focus solely on my upper division requirements and was very intrigued with kinesiology, anatomy, and exercise physiology; learning about the functions of the human body. Hooray! Fitness was my new home! Helping people achieve a level of fitness and a healthy lifestyle (while achieving and maintaining my own) was a perfect fit.
Then that handsome firefighter walked into my life. I actually sold him his gym membership and provided one-on-one training on the fitness equipment. He was so cute, with a twinkle in his eye. He teased me about the freckles on my legs. I later learned he really only joined for the racquetball but, stuck around and endured the workouts to spend time with me. He would have bought anything from me. Needless to say, we began dating.
And so it began, my new life. We married and happily began to plan a family. This presented another challenge. You never know until you try, how long it can actually take to conceive a child. I rode an emotional roller coaster. I was watching many friends start families and I was hearing about unwanted pregnancies while I was facing infertility. After two miscarriages and almost five years of fertility treatments my healthy, almost thirty-five-year-old body, finally experienced the joys of childbirth.
Boy, did my world change. Motherhood was both tougher and more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined. My focus was all wrapped up in my family. The health and vitality of my children was priority #1. I was blessed with a daughter then a son. I strived every day to role model as much good as I could for them.
About the time my son was born my husband was approaching the age my father had been when he had suffered his fatal heart attack. I harbored a deep worry about my husband's health. His job was stressful and he definitely did not have the best eating habits. I was often distressed watching what he ate and tried to persuade him otherwise. In my eyes he was not taking care of himself or role modeling healthy behavior. As the years went on, as hard as I tried, his health declined and he did eventually struggle with heart disease for many years. He continued to enjoy life on his own terms as much as possible (although all along I believed the quality of his life would have been much better if he had found a way to adopt some healthy habits). I fought hard to keep his spirits up and keep him healthy but ultimately he suffered a stroke complicated by his heart disease and he was gone.
Oh Boy-- was there a lesson in this? You bet there were many....
I have written past posts about the struggle and "bumps in the road". To be a widow after almost 30 years of marriage is a lesson in itself. You just do what you can to survive. The lessons continue to come---
I think my greatest lesson was to focus and be grateful for what I still had.
I found it to be true--you really don't now your own strength until it's required of you. I had so many friends comment on the strength I displayed, but really like anyone else will tell you, I was doing what I felt I had to do.
There are always two choices: give up or move forward. Again the life I had planned was changed for me. It was time to adapt and move forward.
I had so much to be grateful for; I was relatively young and healthy. I still had wonderful friends and family. They all needed to see me move forward. It was my toughest challenge yet, but I knew I would somehow come out okay eventually.
So many lessons learned:
1. Perception is reality. When you hear the checker at the grocery store complain about the worse day ever (As you are thinking, I just lost my life partner of 30 years, I don't know how I will go on, I don't know if my kids and I will survive, will I have to give up my home? I have no idea what I will face tomorrow.) You try to imagine what in their life can be the worst ever.
2. It's difficult to ask for help when you don't really know what you need.
3. When help is offered you need to accept it. Those that offer mean it sincerely and it does their heart good when you accept it.
4. Gratitude as a focus can really help when you think you are lost. Realizing all that you still have and making a point of appreciating it can help put things in perspective and provide a slight glimmer of hope. I think focusing on gratitude was the biggest single factor that made it possible for me to get up and face every new day.
5. Nothing can match the value of friendship.
6. You don't have to be tough to keep going. You just need to make a point of putting one foot in front of the other.
So my story doesn't end here...
another lesson is:
#countingblessings#attitudematters#gratitude#lifelessons
 |
| Staying fit and helping others made me happy. |
Life was good.
Then that handsome firefighter walked into my life. I actually sold him his gym membership and provided one-on-one training on the fitness equipment. He was so cute, with a twinkle in his eye. He teased me about the freckles on my legs. I later learned he really only joined for the racquetball but, stuck around and endured the workouts to spend time with me. He would have bought anything from me. Needless to say, we began dating.
And so it began, my new life. We married and happily began to plan a family. This presented another challenge. You never know until you try, how long it can actually take to conceive a child. I rode an emotional roller coaster. I was watching many friends start families and I was hearing about unwanted pregnancies while I was facing infertility. After two miscarriages and almost five years of fertility treatments my healthy, almost thirty-five-year-old body, finally experienced the joys of childbirth.
Life was good.
Boy, did my world change. Motherhood was both tougher and more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined. My focus was all wrapped up in my family. The health and vitality of my children was priority #1. I was blessed with a daughter then a son. I strived every day to role model as much good as I could for them.
About the time my son was born my husband was approaching the age my father had been when he had suffered his fatal heart attack. I harbored a deep worry about my husband's health. His job was stressful and he definitely did not have the best eating habits. I was often distressed watching what he ate and tried to persuade him otherwise. In my eyes he was not taking care of himself or role modeling healthy behavior. As the years went on, as hard as I tried, his health declined and he did eventually struggle with heart disease for many years. He continued to enjoy life on his own terms as much as possible (although all along I believed the quality of his life would have been much better if he had found a way to adopt some healthy habits). I fought hard to keep his spirits up and keep him healthy but ultimately he suffered a stroke complicated by his heart disease and he was gone.
Oh Boy-- was there a lesson in this? You bet there were many....
I have written past posts about the struggle and "bumps in the road". To be a widow after almost 30 years of marriage is a lesson in itself. You just do what you can to survive. The lessons continue to come---
I think my greatest lesson was to focus and be grateful for what I still had.
I found it to be true--you really don't now your own strength until it's required of you. I had so many friends comment on the strength I displayed, but really like anyone else will tell you, I was doing what I felt I had to do.
There are always two choices: give up or move forward. Again the life I had planned was changed for me. It was time to adapt and move forward.
I had so much to be grateful for; I was relatively young and healthy. I still had wonderful friends and family. They all needed to see me move forward. It was my toughest challenge yet, but I knew I would somehow come out okay eventually.
So many lessons learned:
1. Perception is reality. When you hear the checker at the grocery store complain about the worse day ever (As you are thinking, I just lost my life partner of 30 years, I don't know how I will go on, I don't know if my kids and I will survive, will I have to give up my home? I have no idea what I will face tomorrow.) You try to imagine what in their life can be the worst ever.
2. It's difficult to ask for help when you don't really know what you need.
3. When help is offered you need to accept it. Those that offer mean it sincerely and it does their heart good when you accept it.
4. Gratitude as a focus can really help when you think you are lost. Realizing all that you still have and making a point of appreciating it can help put things in perspective and provide a slight glimmer of hope. I think focusing on gratitude was the biggest single factor that made it possible for me to get up and face every new day.
5. Nothing can match the value of friendship.
6. You don't have to be tough to keep going. You just need to make a point of putting one foot in front of the other.
So my story doesn't end here...
another lesson is:
Yes, I've had a few bad chapters (more than mentioned here) in my life. We all have. If bad things can happen when you don't expect them, so can good things.
I've told the rest of my story quite a few times in person, and can only remember once telling it without tears in my eyes. I find myself sharing my story because I believe it gives others hope. The (very) short version is; with mutual friends as our cheerleaders, I married a man who became my best friend, the man who came beside me to help me through a very difficult time. I have been through enough to know not to take a moment for granted. I cherish the role of making him happy.
LIFE IS GOOD!
I count my blessings every day. I continue to realize how fortunate I am. I have wonderful family and friends around me. I feel love and support. There can still be day-to-day challenges but I am in a good place. I am confident that again things may not always work as planned but there is a rainbow after every storm.
To sum it all up I believe attitude has a tremendous amount to do with your happiness. We may not have a choice about what happens to us, but we can ALWAYS choose how we react. I have learned that:
"Life is what you make it, always has been,
and always will be"
(Grandma Moses)
ATTITUDE MATTERS!
Choose to be Happy and Healthy
If you have a life lesson you would like to share, I would love to hear it. Please share it in a comment below.
#countingblessings#attitudematters#gratitude#lifelessons
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