Something remarkable astounding happened the other day. It provoked some memories and caused many thoughts to dance around in my head.
I’ve had many visits to the podiatrist and this was just another appointment to treat my condition. It’s a relatively small waiting room. I always check-in and have a seat. On this particular day the waiting room was empty when I checked in. Behind the desk was a woman I have seen many times before, and one that I saw for the first time the last time I was there.
As I usually do, I walked up and greeted the receptionists with a smile, and gave them my name.
Here’s the shocking part—-The woman on the left immediately said, “You are beautiful!”
My (totally shocked) response was, “What?!?” I thought I heard what she said, but did she really say it?
She said, “You are a beautiful person”.
I was shaken and my eyes immediately filled with tears, a few may have even escaped. I explained how surprised I was and how terribly sweet that was for her to say. She continued, “I told that to her (she pointed to her coworker) last time you were here, when you left”. Her coworker nodded and smiled in agreement.
There was still nobody else in the waiting room so the three of us had a conversation.
It began, (me apologizing for my reaction), “I’m sorry, I was shocked, no one’s ever said that to me before”.
“Really? You are a beautiful person, and you always say hello with such a beautiful smile on your face”.
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| "The world looks brighter from behind a smile" --Unknown |
That is not the first time I've had a comment about my smile.
Me—“Again, that’s very nice of you to say. But why not smile?” (I really don’t think about it )
“Well, we see a lot of people every day. Most don’t smile. Some come in here kind of grumpy.”
(For me—all the more reason to smile, if it brightens someone’s day.)
Me—“Hmmm… we never know what others may be facing in their personal lives."
Then I think to myself some people might take things for granted and expect everything to be easy. You have a choice to dwell on it when something goes wrong or choose not to.
I think then I said, “Maybe the people that seem the happiest are those that have overcome struggles or dealt with major heartbreaks.”
At this time I think about two very major occurrences in my own life: losing my dad at 14 before I started high school, losing my husband over 10 years ago.
With still no one in the waiting room our discussion continued, not about me. I got to ask them both about their backgrounds, and their family. I got to know them.
We had a very pleasant exchange that had all begun with that shocking compliment.
I continued to think about this experience for quite some time, for many reasons. One reason is all the memories that flooded back from my past:
I remembered an old boyfriend serenading me with "You are so beautiful". But that was to him. I had never heard it from a stranger before, why would I?
Then a long time memory—-I grew up with the story my dad had told me about when I was born. I have shared this story with only a very few people but as I tell it, it’s easy to understand the effect it had on me...
My dad told me that when he and my mother met in college her best friend, Nancy, was the homeliest women he had ever met. So, he said, when I was born premature I was so ugly that is why they named me Nancy. Well, as children we tend to believe everything our parents tell us (Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, why wouldn’t we?). I carried that story with me. I was about 60 when I mentioned that story to my mother. She was so surprised that I had spent my whole life believing that story. There are parts that are true—yes, she had a college friend named Nancy—yes, I was a preemie. But my father had made up the part about Nancy being so homely. Looking back now, I'm not sure he realized I believed him.
Every little girl loves to be told they are pretty. I remember as a young girl, being proud of myself at times when dressed up for a special occasion i.e. wearing a new dress (my mother made) to church on Easter Sunday. I loved getting dressed up. He wasn't here to see me dress up for a prom. I'm sure many little girls hear something like, "Oh-- you look so pretty". I always heard, "Well, if you behave as nice as you look, everything will be okay".
I have given a lot of thought to how that story effected me over the years. I didn't consider myself ugly or hideous but I think my dad may have done me a favor in the long run. I tried to look presentable/acceptable. In my head I knew how I acted was more important than how I looked. I can't imagine how difficult it is for young girls now with all the pressure social media places on them. It may have been a completely different story for me if I had to deal with that as well.
I see now, times I could have considered as compliments; being nominated for homecoming in high school, modeling for a local department store, job offers, to name a few. To this day if someone I know (my husband, for example) lingers too long looking at me, I always ask, "What, is there something on my face?" or "Do I have something in my teeth?" or "What did I do?"
With a significant (51st—50th postponed because of Covid) high school reunion right around the corner, more memories started surfacing. I think we all face our high school years with many different insecurities. Not having a father may have added to my self-doubts. Like everyone else, I believe, I wanted to be accepted. My goal was to be considered a friend by everyone. I was very social.
I discovered dancing. I loved performing.I also became a songleader and worked hard to perfect my routines and achieve high kicks. I thoroughly enjoyed being a songleader, cheering on our teams along with friends, okay not to mention--watching the boys play.
I remember so well how seriously shocked I was when I was nominated for homecoming queen. At the time I didn’t think my nomination had anything to do with looks, but validation that I was liked because I was friendly.
Seriously—the mind of a teenager—I remember the voting process in our home room class. It was a secret ballot but I did not vote for myself because I thought if someone found out they would think I was conceited (it seems that word was used a lot back then).
Over the years I have constantly received comments about my smile. So much so that I started to feel that I didn’t have any other significant features. Some people have beautiful eyes you notice right away, some have gorgeous hair. I guess I did have "killer" eyelashes; once was accused of wearing false eyelashes at a time when nobody else was wearing them (except models and movie stars). The only compliments have been about my smile, something I really don't think about (until times like this).
Without any thought, I naturally give my smile very freely. I think that may be why I am constantly told I look familiar and (my husband says) I'm very approachable. Over time I have had numerous friends witness that I don’t go many places without someone approaching me with either, “Do I know you?”, “You remind so much of someone I know”, "You look just like..." , or “Do you have a sister?” If my smile makes them feel comfortable immediately I think that has to be a good thing. Actually, (except for those few times I'd rather NOT be approachable) that makes me happy.
Okay. So why did I decide to share all of these thoughts?
One reason is to demonstrate how one simple compliment can change an attitude and possibly start a chain reaction.
Yes, that compliment made me think a lot about my past. But it also reinforced for me the idea that it’s so easy to make someone’s day with a random positive comment or compliment. I like to give genuine compliments to strangers. I think it also makes my day when I see their reaction. It’s the old “What goes around comes around”.
It also serves as a reminder that beauty is not in physical features but in the way you treat people or make others feel, whether they are strangers or friends and family.
I have always found that the best way to be happy is to make someone else's day. It can start with the simplest gesture-- a smile...
So I'd like to leave you with a few quotes about smiles to inspire you to share yours:
"If you're not using your smile, you're like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook"--Les Giblin
"A simple smile. That's the start of opening your heart and being compassionate to others"--Dalai Lama
"It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime"--Steve Maraboli
Spread kindness. Share happiness.
Stay healthy and happy!
And SMILE!
(a related post---A Kind Reflection)